


Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows But Harry Has A Gun

by Kennaye



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:01:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25568659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kennaye/pseuds/Kennaye
Summary: I wrote this while manic literally just to burn off manic energy. If you're reading this it means I published it. It's probably not good. Please check my other works, I promise they're better.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows But Harry Has A Gun

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the title and summary explained enough.

It was a harrowing night for the Order of the Phoenix. They had all came to the Dursley's with one goal: to transport Harry Potter to safety.

"You're with me 'arry." grumbled Hargrid. It was a perfect bookend. He and brought Harry here as a child, and he would take him away as a man. There was one minor difference, though.

"Okay." Harry said, cocking a gun. It was somehow the weirdest thing in a room full of people who could do actual magic.

"Uh, Harry, what is that." said Ron, who looked exactly like him. They had all take polyjuice potions to look like him, a precaution anyone who read the books was aware of.

"It's a gun." Harry replied rather frankly. The room was still. Even weirder than people being able to turn into animals was being able to casually own a gun in the United Kingdom.

"A gun!" Hermione exclaimed. "Where in the bloody hell did you get a gun." She was muggle born and thus knew what it was, though realistically all wizards should have a way better understanding of Muggle technology.

"Well, I used my wand." Harry gestured with his wand as he spoke. "And I made gun."

"That...that doesn't make sense." Hermione furrowed. She was used to being able to exposite the current situation, but this was so absurd she was at a loss for words.

"Nah." Harry replied. "Makes sense if you think about it. Honestly, what doesn't make sense is me not doing it sooner. It's literally just a killing curse which might not kill someone. If anything I've found a grey area that more heroes deserve to work in." He emphasized spelling grey as grey due to being English.

"Well, what does this 'gun' do?" Inquired Mr. Weasley, who despite working for the Wizarding government was largely incompetent to the way the Muggle world worked for some reason. The scary thing is he was one of the few non-muggle born wizards who even attempted to learn.

"I'll show you." Harry smiled as he turned and just shot Lupin. Straight up murder. He was going to die at the end of the book anyway, so if anything he was just saving everyone the hassle of dragging his body back during the battle of Hogwarts.

"Brilliant." Mr. Weasley muttered, stroking a beard that wasn't there because he looked like Harry. In retrospect, the narrator realized he wasn't even in the scene but did it matter? Harry had a gun.

Harry walked outside, absorbing the chilly night air. He could feel Voldemort's presence in his scar, which was canonically accurate since it only ever acted that way when the plot demanded it. He quickly pivoted and shot into the darkness. There was a long pause...and then a loud thud!

"Ah!" Voldemort screamed. "What the fuck?" Harry realized this was the first time he had heard a real swear, since Molly Weasley hadn't called Bellaicantspellhername a bitch yet. Guns made things faster.

"It's over Voldemort. You may have those spooky magic possession things, but I have a gun!" Harry proclaimed triumphantly. He shot Voldemort again for good measure. The adrenaline Harry felt made him understand why Americans were just kind of cool letting kids die for this feeling. 

Voldemort continued swearing and writhing on the ground. His snake, who is for some reason is a circus performer according to an unneeded movie, slithered in the background. Usually it would take powerful magic to kill her, but Harry had the most powerful magic of all: gun.

"Congratulations Harry." Mitt Romney inexplicably stepped out from behind some bushes. "You've not only saved the Wizarding World, but also traditional values."

"I have no idea who you are, but cool." said Harry, because why would he? Romney is an American politician and not especially relevant until he loses to Obama. That's years away.

"Here." Romney handed a surprisingly not very large key, like imagine the size of a water bottle, to Harry. "This is the key to the city, you've earned it."

"I can tell by your accent that this definitely not, and also this is worthless to me since I'm a millionaire wizard." 

Romney chuckled softly."Yeah. I know." He started to walk away, back into the bushes. He stopped, turned and told Harry one last thing: "Make sure the internal temperature of chicken is 165 before you finish cooking it. Otherwise it's not safe to eat." And with that, he left.

"I mean I didnt know that off of the top of my head but I still feel like that entire experience meant nothing." Harry shot Voldemort again. Immortality is cool until you remember you can just constantly feel pain and not die. "What should we do with Voldemort?"

"Well, I have an idea." said Lupin, not actually dead because if you hadn't stopped taking this seriously you've made a mistake. "We lock him in Wizard Jail, periodically shoot him, and if all the life enhancing hacks of his turn up we can eventually kill him."

"P-please." Voldemort moaned. "I'll tell you w-where they are. Just st-" he was interrupted by being shot again.

"Wow." said Harry. "Imagine if Rowling could have made it this easy."

"Rowling" rasped Dumbledore. "Who's Rowling?"

Harry snickered "Just some transphobe."

fin


End file.
